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- Every day I deal with the same sadness that I had on day one. The difference is that I have learned how to hide my broken heart better each day. I still cannot believe that it happened. Yes I still check for my children only to realize they are no longer by my side. Everyone used to care how I was who decided just to stop caring? Am I not supposed to feel anymore? I constantly dream about my children and have nightmares that remind me of what happened. Wouldn't you care to know how those go?
- Do not say you want me to be happy again. I would love to be happy! Duh. I have to learn to have a new happiness. The old carefree happiness will never be again. It helps to have the patience and understanding from loved ones. Where have you been?
- You want the old Sarah back? Think you can see her? Think again. The 'old' Sarah will never be back. I am who I am. I witnessed and endured horror that I would never wish on my worst enemy. It is not humanly possible for me ever to be the same person again. Losing children changes who you are, often my eyes look empty like I am not even behind them anymore.
- If you chose to acknowledge my children's first birthday or said something on the anniversary of there first death. What made it okay not to do it on there second or on there third? It is very gut wrenching when you didn't ask if we were doing anything, or if you just decided not to say anything. Who said that subsequent birthdays and anniversaries are any easier for me? All it says is that YOU have moved on and have forgotten the important days of there being.
- NEVER say that I am lucky to have my other children. I love all my children equally the same! Why should I feel lucky that some of them are no longer with me?!?
- Don't tell me that it is unhealthy to cry in front of children. You are the one that is very wrong! It is perfectly acceptable for a child to see me morn. When someone passes it is normal to cry.
- I have 4 children. I don't have one!
- There are still days I want to be left alone. Days I want to hide from the world. I am mentally exhausted. It would be nice to know how well I am doing considering what we have been threw rather to be dragged down more.
- I did notice. To everyone that found dealing with the loss of our children to hard. Or that our sadness brought everyone else down so you held secret events or just plain stopped inviting us over.. Or cut us off altogether. Don't worry I noticed. Why didn't I say anything? Because I will not waste my words on your shameful behavior. I am thankful for one thing. That I didn't waste my time on people who could be that shallow. But don't worry I would still be by your side is anything horrible happened in your life.
- Grieving a child last until you see them again. If you wondered how many years you should show that you care. The answer is forever! I have been left broken hearted by some of the 'friends' that I love dearly that I would never think would walk away. They keep the same few phrases "lets catch up soon" being the main one. But I get it. I wont pursue a friendship with someone that does not want one. Everyone has a conscience and thankfully I only have to live with mine.
You might hear about the gory details surrounding a child’s death in the media but that’s about all. There should be so much more written about this topic, and additionally it should be talked about more openly than it is. I’m disappointed not just for me but for all the other grieving parents in society that this topic is met with so much fear and silence.
The bottom line is people are uncomfortable with the situation and I really don’t know why. My feelings tell me it is such an horrific thing that most people don’t want to know about it. Maybe they fear through knowing so much they might become obsessed with their own children dying. Parents worry enough about their children already. Do they really need the added worry about knowing how your child died?"