For most of human history, the sharing of human milk has taken place in the form of one mother breastfeeding the baby of another. In most instances, the immediate benefit of this kind of milk sharing—the continued life of the baby—far outweighed any possible risks. Even today, during times of emergency or in remote areas, sharing human milk may be the only way to save the life of a child whose mother has been injured, killed or is gravely ill. There may be limited or no access to any other feeding alternatives. The World Health Organization lists “wet-nursing” and milk banks as being equal alternatives when mother’s own milk is not available.
In the United States, mothers investigate multiple sources of human milk for their babies when they themselves are unable to provide their own milk. Some are able to obtain milk from established Human Milk Banking Association of North America milk banks that have a standardized system of collecting milk and screening donors. Others turn to family members and close friends in a more informal milk sharing arrangement which may include breastfeeding the baby and/or sharing milk for breastmilk feeding. In this age of the internet, still others are using social networking tools to link up with mothers who may be willing to donate milk. Much of the milk from these banks goes to ill or premature babies and thus their screening process for donors is fairly stringent. Mothers seeking milk for full-term, healthy babies may be unable to obtain milk from HMBANA banks or to afford the cost. Even for fragile babies, HMBANA milk may not be available due to lack of donors. It is a difficult situation. It would be wonderful if HMBANA banks were operating in every community and their milk was more available and affordable - a worthy project for any lactation group or hospital to undertake. It is unfortunate that access to formula is so much easier than finding a source for human milk. The risks of formula feeding have been well-documented. Depending on the situation, they can range from immediate risk of mortality from infections or SIDS to more long-range risks of increased rates of obesity, diabetes and some kinds of cancer. Some risks are more likely to pose immediate harm than others; some risks have a higher statistical probability than others. But the risk exists, there is no doubt about that. *From WHO: Global Strategy for Infant and Young Child Feeding, #18 (page 17): “…..For those few health situations where infants cannot, or should not, be breastfed, the choice of the best alternative – expressed breast milk from an infant’s own mother, breast milk from a healthy wet-nurse or human-milk bank, or a breastmilk substitute ……depends on individual circumstances.” What I give emotionally to get through the loss of my children has dwindled away all my mental strength!
I’m broke, not broken, I’m broke emotionally. I know most but not all the energy I've have had over the past years was spent grieving my children. It’s been on trying to get my friends and family to understand what it’s like to walk in my shoes. I’m angry about that. When I should have been grieving, I was defending myself. I’m probably very close to being as angry about that as I am about her death. I wish I wasn't angry. Lord knows I don’t need another emotion but I don’t know how to not be angry, especially with some of the things that people have said and done to me. I talk and talk yet I’m often never actually heard. Most people just think they know. I find this extremely frustrating. The death of your child is the worst thing that can happen to a person, yet most feel educated enough to advise, to criticise, to lend their words of wisdom when they don’t know the first thing about it. Get over it? Why don’t we see if you could get over it first! Most people wouldn't know that when I meet someone new I instantly become uncomfortable and filled with dread. I know at any moment when I engage in conversation the question is going to arise about my family and how many children do I have? I would love not to have to tell them. Life would be a lot easier if I could take that path. However, I do have other children. As much as I don’t want to tell someone I don’t personally know very well, about my children, the guilt of not acknowledging them is worse. It’s pot luck what their reaction is going to be. There’s no telling what they’re going to say. You just have to close your eyes, cover your broken heart and hope they don’t plunge that knife further in. I was scrolling facebook when I seen am article from Mamamia. It hit home for me. Here are her 10 ways to learn to talk to an angel parent With my spin on it. (Her post is tagged at the bottom) Make sure you find us on facebook https://www.facebook.com/TeamPeluso
"On the surface it appears society is accepting of this unbearable sadness and people are supportive and open to talking about it. However, in my situation I have been surprised by peoples genuine kindness and empathy as much as I have been repeatedly shocked and disappointed by their lack of it." I couldn't say it any better my self. I thank everyone that has offered some type of support and despise everyone that just feels they need to bring everyone down. "You would think there are a lot of articles that raise awareness of the awful process associated with grieving for a child, but even stories from other parents are a rarity. The sad reality is there just isn’t enough said or printed. You seldom hear through the media about grieving for a child and the impact their death has on all the various people involved.It can destroy a marriage instantly, it can leave siblings hurt, confused and angry. Often siblings are too young to understand, they’re angry that their family is not the same and even angrier that they don’t recognise their parents. Losing their sibling is bad enough but so much more is lost for these siblings that is never recognised. I could count on one hand the amount of times I’ve been asked how my boys were.
You might hear about the gory details surrounding a child’s death in the media but that’s about all. There should be so much more written about this topic, and additionally it should be talked about more openly than it is. I’m disappointed not just for me but for all the other grieving parents in society that this topic is met with so much fear and silence. The bottom line is people are uncomfortable with the situation and I really don’t know why. My feelings tell me it is such an horrific thing that most people don’t want to know about it. Maybe they fear through knowing so much they might become obsessed with their own children dying. Parents worry enough about their children already. Do they really need the added worry about knowing how your child died?" http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/ten-points-i-wish-every-person-knew-about-the-death-of-a-child/ |
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